girl friend drama

So it's come to my attention that most girls are frenemies. We envy each other on the daily basis and there's no valid reason why. Not liking someone because they have what you don't isn't a valid reason - its stupid. No matter what you think now, there will be a day where you will need those girl friends to call at 4am.

Here's the thing, as much as we like to think that we're entitled to our independence - and we are - it's not always about that. Why do you think guys get along so well?? They bond quickly and forgive quickly. So why is it that us girls like to hold grudges? I'll be the first to admit that there is a little crazy is all girls, but thats what makes us different. There's little bit crazy so you're different and then there's out of this world crazy psycho bitch crazy. But we need to forgive easily and move on. I've realized that the girls I hang out with now are guys trapped inside girls bodies.

We've all lived through the inevitable drama of highschool and college, but its time to move on. All I need to know is that my girls are going to be there for me at the end of the day. So this blog is a shout out to my girls that help eliminate most of the drama in my life and make it worth while: OB, LN, ND, JC, IK, DC, LD, JO <3

Take care of your girls cause they are the only ones that will care for you if things ever go south...

twilight fever

I personally am not a huge twilight fan but i must say that I'm always curious about what the hype is all about. So call it a moment of weakness and maybe just a chance to see Kellan Lutz - but I went to go see Eclipse the other day. Now here's my review:

1 star out of 4....at most.

Why? Well, Kristen Stewart just acts awkward - not that it's anything new, in person or on screen. Robert Pattinson just ruins the Edward Cullen persona - which is VERY upsetting because he has such an intriguing personality and mystery about him. And to be honest, Taylor Lautner is the only person that can act and do a good job of it - at least with his character. So if I had five thumbs, I would give Taylor five thumbs up. Now the one star is mainly because out of the three main characters, only one can really act. The Cullen family did an amazing job as always so a little bit of credit should be given to them...Overall, stick to the books - the only character I could picture as someone in the books is Taylor as Mister Jacob Black. Good Job Taylor and at this point, go team Jacob.

until next time...

dance dance dance

I went today to an all day dance program at drive dance center. Its my first time in a while since ive danced and let me tell you guys how i LOVE the aching feeling and the 'i cannot move out of my seat' feeling. I miss it. The hard times Im going to have getting up tomorrow morning is going to be amazing! Just thought it was a good update and blog worthy to let you all know that im back to dancing...and volleyball...and working out!!!

yay summer!

new man or no man?

This my friends is my new dilemma. I've come to a point in my life - finally - where I'm not dealing with drama due to men. Mainly because there are none right now. Who would have thought that I could be just as happy without one - if not happier. It's an odd realization because it feels like you always want someone to be happy WITH you...or is it that you just want someone to BE with you? This little crossroad has got me thinking...

Look for a new man or leave things that way they are right now and remain with no man? There are obviously perks to both. With a new man, you can enjoy each others company - that is what its all about isnt it? You can experience compassion and passion, trust, and if you're lucky - a thing called love. But what's wrong with being single?? absolutely nothing.

Being single doesn't mean you're not worth anything because no one is with you. It means that you have time to figure yourself out. What's the rush in meeting someone so early? chances are you still have time to change. Your 20's shouldn't be spent trying to find a man...rather than trying to find yourself. I'm sick and tired of meeting and getting attached to men that are long on charisma and short on character. If you take this time to mature and get to know yourself, chances are that later down the road you'll find yourself surrounded by the kind of people that reflect you. So really, there's no rush. Take your time, enjoy your youth and don't beat yourself up that you 'can't' find a man. It's a shame that they don't already see how amazing you are...

xox

gotta love photoshoots!!

Sometimes, my friends and i have a little too much time on our hands and we like to do things like take random photos!! From that day, here are some of the photos I'm absolutely in LOVE with.

letting go of the reigns

We all have friends, and lets hope they're good friends at that. Ones that know you, know what you want, what you want to be, what you strive for in life. And along with all these things they know, they also know whats best for you when it comes to a guy.

So maybe its time for a girl's man make over. Going for the same type/kind of person isn't going to get you anywhere. If it hasn't worked yet, its probably not going to work...ever. So what's so bad about reinventing the kind of men you go for...or maybe you should let your friends do the work - afterall, they do know you best... right?

The thing is, we all get scared and there's nothing wrong with that. Being able to feel this kind of emotion makes us human. But it's one of those things where if you've never tried it, you can't really knock it. Maybe what you think is right, is actually wrong...I know, the idea is a little far fetched but think about it. We can't always be right as much as we'd like to think so, right?

Sometimes its a good idea to let your friends drive for a bit..while you take a nap in the back seat. Things tend to happen when youre not expecting them to anyways, might as well test it out. Your friends aren't going to let you crash and burn in the rubble, and if they do, well then you know who your friends really are. All in all, its a win win win situation. You learn who your friends are by doing this, you might meet the man of your dreams, and well its a win when you can get a free dinner out of it. Good times.

the heart wants what the heart wants

Sometimes you can't help but wonder 'what could have been'. The clues were always there, you just ignored them because you think to yourself - they'll always be there. The problem is that mentality never got anyone anywhere. Good things come to those who wait - at least thats what they say.

Personally, I don't believe it. If you're always waiting, you never get anywhere. Call me cynical but its hard to think of it any other way. Spend your whole life waiting, and you never live. Spend your whole life waiting and all you'll end up with is this lonely feeling. Spend your whole life waiting and you'll die alone. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes you need to take risks. Seize the moment. Carpe Diem.

xox

clingy?

So I bring this up because I am apparently clingy according to some people aka a certain someone whos name shall not be mentioned. What classifies this term of clingy-ness?? From what I understand, it means not leaving someone alone. Not allowing them to have their own life. Talking to them and bugging them all the time about what they are doing, going to do, or did. With that in mind, let me tell you my situation very briefly because if its the long version, my fingers will start to hurt from typing so much...

situation:
I've known this guy for about 3 months - most of you that read this know who it is. So within these past 3 months, the last 2 months, I haven't initiated anything - conversations, hang outs, trips...nothing! Everytime we talk, he's the one thats the first to say hi, ask me how im doing, ask me what im doing, etc. - you get the idea. Two weeks ago, his friend had lunch with my friend - even though we're all friends. Apparently I was a topic of conversation. And on top of that, it was brought up that this guy told his friend that he was looking for a one night stand when he met me and now im being clingy.

Okay, so lets assess this situation here. Like I said before, I haven't initiated anything with this guy over the past 2 months...and yet I'M the clingy one??? excuse me?...am I missing something here?? He's the one thats been telling me to let him know if I go on a trip so he can 'tag along' (were his words exactly). He's the one that texts me all the time to figure out what I'm doing or what i did. Mind you, these words my have been fiddled around with before they got to me, but there has to be some truth to it. People don't just make up stuff like that - do they??

So with that being said - this is my farewell to him. If he's going to be telling lies about my 'relationship' with him, I'm done. Am I wrong to think this??

Mr. Right Now

People have been asking me lately if i believe in a Mr. Right. The answer to that - put simply - is no. But what's funny about that is that i do believe in a Mr. Right Now. This suggests that there is a time and a place for the relationship to occur. Sometimes there are just those times where you like someone - and they're into you too - but timing is off...very off. This is the predicament that I believe I'm in right now.

Hot and cold, mixed messages, no messages at all - its all the same deal. It's either they like you and doesn't want to get attached or they like the attention and want to string you along. Now let's analyze this situation logically.

IF they like you and they aren't doing anything about it - its not worth it. It feels like if a guy doesn't want to put the effort into maybe getting attached, than there isn't a point. No risk, no gain right? I figure that life is about risks. If anything and everything was planned out, life wouldn't be fun, unexpected, thrilling...

On the other hand, if they just want the attention - we'll then cut it out. Chances are that if he's getting the attention from you, he's getting it from someone else as well. My advice, let it go. Easier said than done, I know....

Life is about taking risks - carpe diem - seize the day...

However you say it, its saying the same things

rules and exceptions

rule #1: never let it show how much you like the guy. Consider it to be words of wisdom - especially since it came from a friends dad. Im pretty sure he knows what hes talking about

rule #2: drunk calling and texting - not a good idea. Through a friends experience, when you think you called or texted once...chances are you did it 30 times. bad idea.

rule #3: if a guy wants to call you, he will. Its called a game - play it or you'll lose every time.

rule #4: don't place any more importance on a guy that doesn't give a crap about you. It's not going to change how he feels about you. You're probably just going to get walked all over and taken advantage of.

rule #5: fun is good but if you like the guy, don't give in. Once he gets what it wants, he'll peace. At least make him work for it. If he cares enough, he will work for it. No guy wants to waste time on a girl wondering if he's going to get some or not.

exception: it is very possible that every one of us ladies are an exception to some extent - but we have to stop listening to these stories of how we had a friend who knew somebody that was in the same situation as us and it worked out. As much as I hate to say it, we are the rule - unless otherwise stated.

If we assume that we are the rule, maybe one day there will be a guy that sees us as the exception. Stop putting ourselves up on the pedestal and thinking that we are going to be the exception. If it happens, it will happen - there's not much that we can do about that but just wait...

seriously...FML

So after 4 years of hard work and stressful days and nights, UTM finds a way to fuck with me yet again.. Im in the middle of trying to sort it out at the moment, but who would have thought that after believing that I've graduated...i actually might not have

FUCK MY LIFE.

moving out...

Sometimes there is so much joy in moving. You're going to a new place, get to go through all the things you have to figure out what you really want or need and what is garbage. Its a cleanse. But obviously there are bad things. The people that you're leaving behind, the place you're leaving that had so many memories, and of course, the place you called home for so long. When it comes down to it, I'm so excited to move just because I'll be at my aunts house for the rest of the summer until convocation. No one is convenient to me anymore - lets me kinda find out who is willing to go out of their way to see me and keep in contact with me. I guess its also a semi wake up call for me as well. I guess we'll really see how everything goes...

ps. SO happy that there's a treadmill at my aunts house. What would i do without exercise equipment for a month!!??

ELEPHANTS!??

So after roaming downtown today - you know..the things we do when we're OUT FOR THE SUMMER!! - I was getting a little upset that i couldn't find anything to buy. Mind you, I'm kinda broke, so it doesn't matter too much anyways. But clothes were not the attraction today - nothing like jewelry! I found the cutest necklace at forever21. Elephant rhinestone long copper necklace. It has got to be the cutest thing I've ever seen. Just enough bling to make a state, and simple enough to go with anything. I love it cause its something different from the owls and sparrows you see everywhere. Mind you, it would have been ideal if it were a giraffe. For those that know me, giraffes are my weakness. Im convinced that I'm going own one someday soon and I'll have a hole in my roof to it can stick it's head out. If only...

xox

HBSC

GRADUATION BITCHES!!!!

I finished my last exam today at 1. No words can contain the excitement that I'm feeling right now. SUMMER HAS STARTED!!!

that is all.
xox

lonely?

Call it a mood swing, but lately I've been feeling lonely. It's not that I feel like no one cares about me, it's more that i feel like everyones mad or pissed at me. The worst part? I don't know why. I understand that it's exam time and everyone is stressed, but for those that don't have exams, there's not much of an excuse for the way they've been acting. It's either - you're an asshole/jerk or I did something wrong.

Don't get me wrong, this is my NO means a cry for attention - it's not like I love attention anyways - but it's more of needing a piece of mind. I'm the kind of person that goes crazy if I truly believe that I did something wrong - even when I haven't. It's a trait that's for sure. haha. Time away from everyone that I feel has been treating me like a door mat is exactly what I need.

Time heals all right?

note to self

Real friends are hard to find.

I've realized that I go far and beyond for my friends, usually more than they are willing to do for me - which is a shame. If there's something that I know I can do to make a friends life easier, I'll do it. The problem is that after I do it, I realize that they would probably never do the same for me. I'd ask myself, what did I do to deserve this? And the simple answer is nothing. I'm just a door mat. I have never, in the 21 years that I've been alive, felt like this so many times in one year. My final year as an undergraduate student is just TOO much drama in my life. I wish - I really do - that some of my 'friends' could spend a day in my shoes and see what I do for them. The coffees, the talks, the time spent listening, being DD when they want to drink, the lunches, dinners, movies - you name it, it's probably been done by me to make someone's life easier or better. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that NONE of my friends aren't willing to do the same....just MOST.

There's your friends, your good/great/close friends, and the friends that might as well be family. The funny thing is that I treat them all the same, while most people don't. They are in different categories because they should be treated differently right? In my mind, not at all. A friend is a friend, no matter what kind of friend. Obviously there are certain things that you would do for a best friend that you consider family that you wouldn't do for someone you just met, but hopefully they have boundaries as well and realize that they might not have the right to ask. I compose this blog now because I came to this harsh realization today.

Now, there feels like there's a hole in my chest - well because I feel like a tool for being a nice person. This is the reason why I have walls. Unless there's a damn good reason why I shouldn't keep them up, they remain up. I was told to tear them down today and my response to that was "show me something worth tearing them down for and i will". His response: "...thats a tough one". My whole thing is that it's not hard to show someone that you're genuine, it's hard to show someone that you're genuine and mean it. I'm a very simple girl. I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I like things that are straight forward and to the point. I still believe that my statement is very simple - but it's people like him that keep it up.

Moral of the story: It's tough to find amazing friends that will stick by you through everything. So when you find them, don't let them go - especially if they are willing to reciprocate the effort you put into it. Genuine people are hard to find. Through the 21 years of my life, I've found 7 girl friends that have remained un-catty, genuine, and trustworthy. In a girl's world, 7 is a decent number.

Something to smile about in the morning =)

control

Is control such a bad thing to have?

Think about it. As much as I would love to say that its a good thing to have, it can also go the other way. If anything, it should be a balance. If you really look at it, not knowing something isn't the end of the world. Sometimes you have to go with the flow and throw caution to the wind. Not knowing what to expect can be exciting, thrilling, exhilarating in fact. When was the last time you felt genuinely surprised? Your heart beats so fast cause it wasn't expecting it. Then the feeling of relief when it wasn't anything horrid. I've come to the realization that sometimes you need to slow down, take a deep breath, and just let things go. The more you plan and control, the less control you actually have. Keep your emotions in check and at the end of the day, make sure that you're okay. Wake up in the morning and go about your business like you always do, no expectations.

Once you start to expect something, things just go wrong.

another you

So many times I was alone and couldn't sleep. You left me drowning in the tears of memory. And ever since you've gone, I found it hard to breathe cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see. A thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes but time's been healing me and I say goodbye.

Cause I can breathe again, dream again. I'll be on the road again like it used to be the other day. Now I feel free again, so innocent cause someone makes me whole again. For sure, I'll find another you.

Could you imagine someone else is by my side? I've been afraid he couldn't keep myself from falling. My heart was always searching for a place to hide, could not await the dawn to bring another day. Your not the only one so hear me when I say the thoughts of you that just fade away.

Cause I can breathe again, dream again. I'll be on the road again like it used to be the other day. Now I feel free again, so innocent cause someone makes me whole again. For sure, I'll find another you.

Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes. You're still apart of my life but I can breathe again, dream again. I'll be on the road again like it used to be the other day. Now I feel free again, so innocent cause someone makes me whole again. For sure, I'll find another you.

I'll find another you...

listen and learn
xox

refusal

I've been addicted to this song for about 24 hours aka it's been on repeat for that long. These lyrics are killing me because everything seems to match up with my situation...EXCEPT that I don't think I'm willing to wait for him to change his mind.

What makes him so special that I feel like I have to put my life on hold? Out of the six billion people in the world, less than half of which are men, what makes him - this ONE person - so special? If people are meant to be, it'll just happen right? Being in my predicament, I really don't see the point of me waiting. I don't know if I'm going to be around next year, and even if I am, what's to say that he will. He told me himself that he might be moving...again. It just seems to frustrating and I don't remember the last time I allowed a guy to make me feel this way. I feel walked on and like a door mat when it comes to him. It's not like I've never been in this position before either. The difference is that my friends that have met him don't seem to have anything bad to say about him. So why is it that all these other guys are pretty much throwing themselves at me and this ONE guy is just so indifferent like he has me on a string? You always want what you can't have right?

'It'll stop when you allow yourself to stop' is what a friend told me. And I completely agree, but maybe I'm not ready to let go cause he's still giving me that little glimmer of hope. No downtime to let me recover knowing that I have a thing for him - and if he doesn't know, he's retarded. Playing games? Maybe. Am I allowing him to do that right now? Completely yes because its affecting me. Do I want it to stop? Indifferent and this is where my problem truly lies.

My realization of my problems is that the source of all of them is me. As much as he might want to provoke me, I'm the one thats giving him a response, a reaction. AND I'm stupid enough to give him a reaction. I tell myself that i refuse to wait around for him, but what am I really doing right now?....

Note to self: You're an idiot. Thats what it all boils down to.

when do you know?

When do you know that you're over it? As much as I'm trying to go with it, I feel like i should just give up on that whole situation. I wish i could say that it doesn't effect me anymore and that's when you know, but I feel this....void. No matter what I do, I still feel it. I don't feel hungry anymore, all I want to do is crawl into my bed and stay there. Maybe its not him, maybe its everything in general. Not being in Mississauga is - well going to be different. Everything is changing, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE change but this one I don't think I'm prepared for.

Maybe it was him telling me that he's planning to move next year - 'anywhere but Canada' were his words exactly. No attachment right? Feelings and emotions are too complicated. I don't want them anymore.

ps. i apologize when things stop making sense - I don't really realize it when im typing and it may seem like i have no clue what im talking about, and most of the time, thats what it is....sorry

xox