Hit Me

It didn't really dawn on me until this week that this is the last semester I'm going to have at UTM. Chances are that I'm not going to keep in touch with half the people I know now and the memories that are supposed to be the best moments in my life are going to fade. The thing is - I don't know if I'm coming back to Toronto at all. Speaking to a friend today about all of this and it was said that I'm young and should be able to enjoy my life as it is now. And it's not to say that i won't - its just a matter of who I want to share that with.

I'm starting to realize that UTM might as well be a highschool. You have your cliques, your hang out spots, and your girls or guys that you ALWAYS turn to. Change isn't an easy thing for most people, and I am no exception. I want to move forward and succeed - but at the same time, I don't want it to be that the only thing i have to hold to in the end is my career. What's success without people to share it with. So I apologize for being distant (which I'm probably going to be) and if I start to seem quiet (which I'm starting to be). It's not because I don't care. It's because my walls are starting to go up again - being an only child makes you learn that things come and go. People walk in and out of our lives everyday - sometimes without knowing it.

There are some things that are for sure - like how things are going to sound when you knock on them, how something is going to feel when you touch it, how something is going to smell, what something looks like etc. Friendships, unfortunately, are not in that category. There is the odd one or two people that really make an impact on your life - and even then, somethings have to move on. Human behavior is very odd - nothing is ever for certain. Feelings change - people change. And at the end of the day, you have yourself to rely on and pick up whatever pieces that have fallen. It's up to those "friends" to chose whether they want to help you or not.

It's too bad that these so called emotions decide to hit me when I'm least expecting them to. Walls are back up and I'm ready to protect myself from the world. Take your best shot.

xox