girl friend drama

So it's come to my attention that most girls are frenemies. We envy each other on the daily basis and there's no valid reason why. Not liking someone because they have what you don't isn't a valid reason - its stupid. No matter what you think now, there will be a day where you will need those girl friends to call at 4am.

Here's the thing, as much as we like to think that we're entitled to our independence - and we are - it's not always about that. Why do you think guys get along so well?? They bond quickly and forgive quickly. So why is it that us girls like to hold grudges? I'll be the first to admit that there is a little crazy is all girls, but thats what makes us different. There's little bit crazy so you're different and then there's out of this world crazy psycho bitch crazy. But we need to forgive easily and move on. I've realized that the girls I hang out with now are guys trapped inside girls bodies.

We've all lived through the inevitable drama of highschool and college, but its time to move on. All I need to know is that my girls are going to be there for me at the end of the day. So this blog is a shout out to my girls that help eliminate most of the drama in my life and make it worth while: OB, LN, ND, JC, IK, DC, LD, JO <3

Take care of your girls cause they are the only ones that will care for you if things ever go south...

twilight fever

I personally am not a huge twilight fan but i must say that I'm always curious about what the hype is all about. So call it a moment of weakness and maybe just a chance to see Kellan Lutz - but I went to go see Eclipse the other day. Now here's my review:

1 star out of 4....at most.

Why? Well, Kristen Stewart just acts awkward - not that it's anything new, in person or on screen. Robert Pattinson just ruins the Edward Cullen persona - which is VERY upsetting because he has such an intriguing personality and mystery about him. And to be honest, Taylor Lautner is the only person that can act and do a good job of it - at least with his character. So if I had five thumbs, I would give Taylor five thumbs up. Now the one star is mainly because out of the three main characters, only one can really act. The Cullen family did an amazing job as always so a little bit of credit should be given to them...Overall, stick to the books - the only character I could picture as someone in the books is Taylor as Mister Jacob Black. Good Job Taylor and at this point, go team Jacob.

until next time...

dance dance dance

I went today to an all day dance program at drive dance center. Its my first time in a while since ive danced and let me tell you guys how i LOVE the aching feeling and the 'i cannot move out of my seat' feeling. I miss it. The hard times Im going to have getting up tomorrow morning is going to be amazing! Just thought it was a good update and blog worthy to let you all know that im back to dancing...and volleyball...and working out!!!

yay summer!

new man or no man?

This my friends is my new dilemma. I've come to a point in my life - finally - where I'm not dealing with drama due to men. Mainly because there are none right now. Who would have thought that I could be just as happy without one - if not happier. It's an odd realization because it feels like you always want someone to be happy WITH you...or is it that you just want someone to BE with you? This little crossroad has got me thinking...

Look for a new man or leave things that way they are right now and remain with no man? There are obviously perks to both. With a new man, you can enjoy each others company - that is what its all about isnt it? You can experience compassion and passion, trust, and if you're lucky - a thing called love. But what's wrong with being single?? absolutely nothing.

Being single doesn't mean you're not worth anything because no one is with you. It means that you have time to figure yourself out. What's the rush in meeting someone so early? chances are you still have time to change. Your 20's shouldn't be spent trying to find a man...rather than trying to find yourself. I'm sick and tired of meeting and getting attached to men that are long on charisma and short on character. If you take this time to mature and get to know yourself, chances are that later down the road you'll find yourself surrounded by the kind of people that reflect you. So really, there's no rush. Take your time, enjoy your youth and don't beat yourself up that you 'can't' find a man. It's a shame that they don't already see how amazing you are...

xox

gotta love photoshoots!!

Sometimes, my friends and i have a little too much time on our hands and we like to do things like take random photos!! From that day, here are some of the photos I'm absolutely in LOVE with.

letting go of the reigns

We all have friends, and lets hope they're good friends at that. Ones that know you, know what you want, what you want to be, what you strive for in life. And along with all these things they know, they also know whats best for you when it comes to a guy.

So maybe its time for a girl's man make over. Going for the same type/kind of person isn't going to get you anywhere. If it hasn't worked yet, its probably not going to work...ever. So what's so bad about reinventing the kind of men you go for...or maybe you should let your friends do the work - afterall, they do know you best... right?

The thing is, we all get scared and there's nothing wrong with that. Being able to feel this kind of emotion makes us human. But it's one of those things where if you've never tried it, you can't really knock it. Maybe what you think is right, is actually wrong...I know, the idea is a little far fetched but think about it. We can't always be right as much as we'd like to think so, right?

Sometimes its a good idea to let your friends drive for a bit..while you take a nap in the back seat. Things tend to happen when youre not expecting them to anyways, might as well test it out. Your friends aren't going to let you crash and burn in the rubble, and if they do, well then you know who your friends really are. All in all, its a win win win situation. You learn who your friends are by doing this, you might meet the man of your dreams, and well its a win when you can get a free dinner out of it. Good times.

the heart wants what the heart wants

Sometimes you can't help but wonder 'what could have been'. The clues were always there, you just ignored them because you think to yourself - they'll always be there. The problem is that mentality never got anyone anywhere. Good things come to those who wait - at least thats what they say.

Personally, I don't believe it. If you're always waiting, you never get anywhere. Call me cynical but its hard to think of it any other way. Spend your whole life waiting, and you never live. Spend your whole life waiting and all you'll end up with is this lonely feeling. Spend your whole life waiting and you'll die alone. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes you need to take risks. Seize the moment. Carpe Diem.

xox

clingy?

So I bring this up because I am apparently clingy according to some people aka a certain someone whos name shall not be mentioned. What classifies this term of clingy-ness?? From what I understand, it means not leaving someone alone. Not allowing them to have their own life. Talking to them and bugging them all the time about what they are doing, going to do, or did. With that in mind, let me tell you my situation very briefly because if its the long version, my fingers will start to hurt from typing so much...

situation:
I've known this guy for about 3 months - most of you that read this know who it is. So within these past 3 months, the last 2 months, I haven't initiated anything - conversations, hang outs, trips...nothing! Everytime we talk, he's the one thats the first to say hi, ask me how im doing, ask me what im doing, etc. - you get the idea. Two weeks ago, his friend had lunch with my friend - even though we're all friends. Apparently I was a topic of conversation. And on top of that, it was brought up that this guy told his friend that he was looking for a one night stand when he met me and now im being clingy.

Okay, so lets assess this situation here. Like I said before, I haven't initiated anything with this guy over the past 2 months...and yet I'M the clingy one??? excuse me?...am I missing something here?? He's the one thats been telling me to let him know if I go on a trip so he can 'tag along' (were his words exactly). He's the one that texts me all the time to figure out what I'm doing or what i did. Mind you, these words my have been fiddled around with before they got to me, but there has to be some truth to it. People don't just make up stuff like that - do they??

So with that being said - this is my farewell to him. If he's going to be telling lies about my 'relationship' with him, I'm done. Am I wrong to think this??

Mr. Right Now

People have been asking me lately if i believe in a Mr. Right. The answer to that - put simply - is no. But what's funny about that is that i do believe in a Mr. Right Now. This suggests that there is a time and a place for the relationship to occur. Sometimes there are just those times where you like someone - and they're into you too - but timing is off...very off. This is the predicament that I believe I'm in right now.

Hot and cold, mixed messages, no messages at all - its all the same deal. It's either they like you and doesn't want to get attached or they like the attention and want to string you along. Now let's analyze this situation logically.

IF they like you and they aren't doing anything about it - its not worth it. It feels like if a guy doesn't want to put the effort into maybe getting attached, than there isn't a point. No risk, no gain right? I figure that life is about risks. If anything and everything was planned out, life wouldn't be fun, unexpected, thrilling...

On the other hand, if they just want the attention - we'll then cut it out. Chances are that if he's getting the attention from you, he's getting it from someone else as well. My advice, let it go. Easier said than done, I know....

Life is about taking risks - carpe diem - seize the day...

However you say it, its saying the same things

rules and exceptions

rule #1: never let it show how much you like the guy. Consider it to be words of wisdom - especially since it came from a friends dad. Im pretty sure he knows what hes talking about

rule #2: drunk calling and texting - not a good idea. Through a friends experience, when you think you called or texted once...chances are you did it 30 times. bad idea.

rule #3: if a guy wants to call you, he will. Its called a game - play it or you'll lose every time.

rule #4: don't place any more importance on a guy that doesn't give a crap about you. It's not going to change how he feels about you. You're probably just going to get walked all over and taken advantage of.

rule #5: fun is good but if you like the guy, don't give in. Once he gets what it wants, he'll peace. At least make him work for it. If he cares enough, he will work for it. No guy wants to waste time on a girl wondering if he's going to get some or not.

exception: it is very possible that every one of us ladies are an exception to some extent - but we have to stop listening to these stories of how we had a friend who knew somebody that was in the same situation as us and it worked out. As much as I hate to say it, we are the rule - unless otherwise stated.

If we assume that we are the rule, maybe one day there will be a guy that sees us as the exception. Stop putting ourselves up on the pedestal and thinking that we are going to be the exception. If it happens, it will happen - there's not much that we can do about that but just wait...

seriously...FML

So after 4 years of hard work and stressful days and nights, UTM finds a way to fuck with me yet again.. Im in the middle of trying to sort it out at the moment, but who would have thought that after believing that I've graduated...i actually might not have

FUCK MY LIFE.

moving out...

Sometimes there is so much joy in moving. You're going to a new place, get to go through all the things you have to figure out what you really want or need and what is garbage. Its a cleanse. But obviously there are bad things. The people that you're leaving behind, the place you're leaving that had so many memories, and of course, the place you called home for so long. When it comes down to it, I'm so excited to move just because I'll be at my aunts house for the rest of the summer until convocation. No one is convenient to me anymore - lets me kinda find out who is willing to go out of their way to see me and keep in contact with me. I guess its also a semi wake up call for me as well. I guess we'll really see how everything goes...

ps. SO happy that there's a treadmill at my aunts house. What would i do without exercise equipment for a month!!??

ELEPHANTS!??

So after roaming downtown today - you know..the things we do when we're OUT FOR THE SUMMER!! - I was getting a little upset that i couldn't find anything to buy. Mind you, I'm kinda broke, so it doesn't matter too much anyways. But clothes were not the attraction today - nothing like jewelry! I found the cutest necklace at forever21. Elephant rhinestone long copper necklace. It has got to be the cutest thing I've ever seen. Just enough bling to make a state, and simple enough to go with anything. I love it cause its something different from the owls and sparrows you see everywhere. Mind you, it would have been ideal if it were a giraffe. For those that know me, giraffes are my weakness. Im convinced that I'm going own one someday soon and I'll have a hole in my roof to it can stick it's head out. If only...

xox

HBSC

GRADUATION BITCHES!!!!

I finished my last exam today at 1. No words can contain the excitement that I'm feeling right now. SUMMER HAS STARTED!!!

that is all.
xox

lonely?

Call it a mood swing, but lately I've been feeling lonely. It's not that I feel like no one cares about me, it's more that i feel like everyones mad or pissed at me. The worst part? I don't know why. I understand that it's exam time and everyone is stressed, but for those that don't have exams, there's not much of an excuse for the way they've been acting. It's either - you're an asshole/jerk or I did something wrong.

Don't get me wrong, this is my NO means a cry for attention - it's not like I love attention anyways - but it's more of needing a piece of mind. I'm the kind of person that goes crazy if I truly believe that I did something wrong - even when I haven't. It's a trait that's for sure. haha. Time away from everyone that I feel has been treating me like a door mat is exactly what I need.

Time heals all right?

note to self

Real friends are hard to find.

I've realized that I go far and beyond for my friends, usually more than they are willing to do for me - which is a shame. If there's something that I know I can do to make a friends life easier, I'll do it. The problem is that after I do it, I realize that they would probably never do the same for me. I'd ask myself, what did I do to deserve this? And the simple answer is nothing. I'm just a door mat. I have never, in the 21 years that I've been alive, felt like this so many times in one year. My final year as an undergraduate student is just TOO much drama in my life. I wish - I really do - that some of my 'friends' could spend a day in my shoes and see what I do for them. The coffees, the talks, the time spent listening, being DD when they want to drink, the lunches, dinners, movies - you name it, it's probably been done by me to make someone's life easier or better. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that NONE of my friends aren't willing to do the same....just MOST.

There's your friends, your good/great/close friends, and the friends that might as well be family. The funny thing is that I treat them all the same, while most people don't. They are in different categories because they should be treated differently right? In my mind, not at all. A friend is a friend, no matter what kind of friend. Obviously there are certain things that you would do for a best friend that you consider family that you wouldn't do for someone you just met, but hopefully they have boundaries as well and realize that they might not have the right to ask. I compose this blog now because I came to this harsh realization today.

Now, there feels like there's a hole in my chest - well because I feel like a tool for being a nice person. This is the reason why I have walls. Unless there's a damn good reason why I shouldn't keep them up, they remain up. I was told to tear them down today and my response to that was "show me something worth tearing them down for and i will". His response: "...thats a tough one". My whole thing is that it's not hard to show someone that you're genuine, it's hard to show someone that you're genuine and mean it. I'm a very simple girl. I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I like things that are straight forward and to the point. I still believe that my statement is very simple - but it's people like him that keep it up.

Moral of the story: It's tough to find amazing friends that will stick by you through everything. So when you find them, don't let them go - especially if they are willing to reciprocate the effort you put into it. Genuine people are hard to find. Through the 21 years of my life, I've found 7 girl friends that have remained un-catty, genuine, and trustworthy. In a girl's world, 7 is a decent number.

Something to smile about in the morning =)

control

Is control such a bad thing to have?

Think about it. As much as I would love to say that its a good thing to have, it can also go the other way. If anything, it should be a balance. If you really look at it, not knowing something isn't the end of the world. Sometimes you have to go with the flow and throw caution to the wind. Not knowing what to expect can be exciting, thrilling, exhilarating in fact. When was the last time you felt genuinely surprised? Your heart beats so fast cause it wasn't expecting it. Then the feeling of relief when it wasn't anything horrid. I've come to the realization that sometimes you need to slow down, take a deep breath, and just let things go. The more you plan and control, the less control you actually have. Keep your emotions in check and at the end of the day, make sure that you're okay. Wake up in the morning and go about your business like you always do, no expectations.

Once you start to expect something, things just go wrong.

another you

So many times I was alone and couldn't sleep. You left me drowning in the tears of memory. And ever since you've gone, I found it hard to breathe cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see. A thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes but time's been healing me and I say goodbye.

Cause I can breathe again, dream again. I'll be on the road again like it used to be the other day. Now I feel free again, so innocent cause someone makes me whole again. For sure, I'll find another you.

Could you imagine someone else is by my side? I've been afraid he couldn't keep myself from falling. My heart was always searching for a place to hide, could not await the dawn to bring another day. Your not the only one so hear me when I say the thoughts of you that just fade away.

Cause I can breathe again, dream again. I'll be on the road again like it used to be the other day. Now I feel free again, so innocent cause someone makes me whole again. For sure, I'll find another you.

Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes. You're still apart of my life but I can breathe again, dream again. I'll be on the road again like it used to be the other day. Now I feel free again, so innocent cause someone makes me whole again. For sure, I'll find another you.

I'll find another you...

listen and learn
xox

refusal

I've been addicted to this song for about 24 hours aka it's been on repeat for that long. These lyrics are killing me because everything seems to match up with my situation...EXCEPT that I don't think I'm willing to wait for him to change his mind.

What makes him so special that I feel like I have to put my life on hold? Out of the six billion people in the world, less than half of which are men, what makes him - this ONE person - so special? If people are meant to be, it'll just happen right? Being in my predicament, I really don't see the point of me waiting. I don't know if I'm going to be around next year, and even if I am, what's to say that he will. He told me himself that he might be moving...again. It just seems to frustrating and I don't remember the last time I allowed a guy to make me feel this way. I feel walked on and like a door mat when it comes to him. It's not like I've never been in this position before either. The difference is that my friends that have met him don't seem to have anything bad to say about him. So why is it that all these other guys are pretty much throwing themselves at me and this ONE guy is just so indifferent like he has me on a string? You always want what you can't have right?

'It'll stop when you allow yourself to stop' is what a friend told me. And I completely agree, but maybe I'm not ready to let go cause he's still giving me that little glimmer of hope. No downtime to let me recover knowing that I have a thing for him - and if he doesn't know, he's retarded. Playing games? Maybe. Am I allowing him to do that right now? Completely yes because its affecting me. Do I want it to stop? Indifferent and this is where my problem truly lies.

My realization of my problems is that the source of all of them is me. As much as he might want to provoke me, I'm the one thats giving him a response, a reaction. AND I'm stupid enough to give him a reaction. I tell myself that i refuse to wait around for him, but what am I really doing right now?....

Note to self: You're an idiot. Thats what it all boils down to.

when do you know?

When do you know that you're over it? As much as I'm trying to go with it, I feel like i should just give up on that whole situation. I wish i could say that it doesn't effect me anymore and that's when you know, but I feel this....void. No matter what I do, I still feel it. I don't feel hungry anymore, all I want to do is crawl into my bed and stay there. Maybe its not him, maybe its everything in general. Not being in Mississauga is - well going to be different. Everything is changing, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE change but this one I don't think I'm prepared for.

Maybe it was him telling me that he's planning to move next year - 'anywhere but Canada' were his words exactly. No attachment right? Feelings and emotions are too complicated. I don't want them anymore.

ps. i apologize when things stop making sense - I don't really realize it when im typing and it may seem like i have no clue what im talking about, and most of the time, thats what it is....sorry

xox

what is a girl supposed to do?

The question that girls ask themselves - a lot. After my experiences last night, and not good experiences for that matter, i figured out who actually cares and who doesn't. One of my best friends kept me company while i wasn't feeling too well while the guy that claims to care and that I'm one of his core friends didn't check up on me once. Random people that I knew for maybe 3 hours tops were checking up on me. Really makes me feel wanted (key: sarcasm). Here's how most of the night went:

Goal: Give Kat a hangover
End Result: unsuccessful.

BUT - the events inbetween is where its interesting or funny depending on how you see it.

so I'll assume that most of you can guess the actions up to me going home. After making sure that i was comfortable and have water for whenever i needed it, i passed out to say the least. This is where my actions start to become amusing. I don't remember walking up the stairs to my room, but i do remember waking up at 5ish, drinking water and of course feeling sick again. I wrapped myself in a towel so i wouldn't get cold because my room is freezing. Then, i went downstairs to get my phone - texted this best friend apologizing for everything..then went back to bed. Woke up again at 6ish, went downstairs to make food cause i figured that i needed it. Feeling better at this point, i curl up in a ball as I'm eating this ONE perogy that I made cause i decided that starch was good for me at the time. After the perogy, I go back upstairs and go to bed. Next thing i know, i wake up at 8, go back to bed...then 10. At this point, I'm awake - WITHOUT a hangover..

Now for those that don't know, this drink was death. It was easily 1/4 of a 2 6 of greygoose and a red bull, half half. It's what you would call death for 5'6'' asian girl. So no hangover - THAT is what you call impressive.

note to self: do not drink to mask unwanted feelings - they don't get better as you drink more..

xox

new philosophy...part 2

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right; forget the ones who don't; and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. No body said it would be easy, they just said it'd be worth it.

Live by those words and you are golden =)

xox

new philosophy...part 1

So i have a new philosophy to life. Since all the unnecessary drama in my life as of late due to boys and school, this is what i came up with:

"My life is surrounded by people that actually care and if push came to shove, they would be there for me. So I have the BEST life in the world and anyone that doesn't care enough to be an actual part of it - screw you."

I think thats a good positive step to not care anymore. Seems uber logical to me. So this is the trial period. There are 6 billion people in the world, what makes that ONE stupid boy worth it?...nothing at all. =)

xox

please explain this to me

How the hell is it possible that a guy likes everything about you but doesn't want to do anything about? This concept confuses me....like a lot. I don't even know what to think about anything anymore. So much for going with the flow. There is no flow to go with anymore. F*** relationships. F*** dating. I'm done. That was the last straw

its over when its over

So speaking to a friend earlier tonight...talking about, well to be frank, girl talk. Relationships are so hard sometimes. There's the two actual people involved, and everyone else that decides that its their business as well. Because of these people, mixed messages start to storm in. Whether it be about the ex, other girls/boys, what he/she said, what they are doing...and the list goes on and on. The point is that the only two people that know whats going on in the relationship are those two people..and it should stay that way. As much as your friends go up to you for advice on a relationship situation, it isn't your laundry to do. You, at no means, should be putting yourself in a situation where you are not directly involved.

Honestly, i wish that people would get that. You turn to your friends because you trust that they will keep it to themselves. Unfortunately, life isn't all gummy bears and disco balls. So gossip is going to happen no matter what, because its human behavior. It's never set in stone and emotions make things extremely difficult. Roll with the punches and if it knocks you down, you know that your friends will be there to pick you up and help you put it back together.

And if youre in a situation where you're VERY unsure - kinda like myself - go with the flow and make intentions clear. Once intentions are made clear, things will just fall into place and you'll either be left standing in the rain or in someone's arms. There are going to be awkward moments where both of you don't know whats going on...but thats life. Not everything needs to be or will be perfect. Just know that when you think you're at your lowest, things usually pick up. Like I've said many times before, keep your head up and look forward - thats where you want to be.

xox

exploding hearts

There comes a time in every young girls life where she feels something that she doesn't want to. Sometime that tells her that this isn't the right time, but it feels so - well to put it bluntly - right. Every circumstance that surrounds the situation is pointing you away from it but its like there's a light and you want to stay hovered around it? I feel like I'm attracted to something shiny and I can't turn away. Horrible...

xox

formals!!

I love formals!! It's a time where everyone dresses up and looks like royalty - then goes and gets shitfaced so you look good while doing it. The dresses, the shoes, the jewelry - its a girl's dream come true. The bad side, alcohol is involved. Usually ends up bringing out the worst in people. The issues, the problems, the conflicts - all come out during this time. The key to staying classy - know your limit, stay within it.

Formals = 2 down, 2 to go

Oh how I love dressing up and looking pretty.

xox

best friends?

Don't you love it when you're so called best friend doesn't even message you to see how you're doing? Seriously? Two seconds it all it takes - especially when I'm asking you how you're doing. It's not hard, but apparently it is for you - so grow the fuck up and get over whatever the hell you're jealous about. Peace the fuck out.

the new love of my life

With the troubles that I've been going through, I've managed to find a new love. Her name is Ingrid Michaelson and she is beyond amazing. Her music is just so calming and so right for every one of my moods right now. It's about love and most importantly, it's about LIFE. The good and bad and everything in between.

check out Ingrid Michaelson.

while you're at it, check out Mia Carruthers as well

ENJOY
xox

crumbling to pieces

It's so odd sometimes. One day, everything is great and you're on top of the world, and the next - well let's just say its not happy times. Within a span of 12 hours, my life seemed to have fallen apart. It looks like I'm not meant to go to school back home anymore, school itself is just stressful and to top it all off, of course - men. Three months left, and I can't pull it together. The one thing that I've never really been able to admit is that I'm terrified of change. I came to Toronto to get away - but that seems to be all I know how to do - run away. I don't remember the last time i broke down so many times within a week, let alone my roller coaster of emotions that are just everywhere because i can't control them. I'm at a loss for words cause there are no words to even describe how much I want to tell myself, "just run away you emotional wreck....or put on a freaking smile and make everyone think that everything is okay. Toughen up and aim for a new goal - things are going to work out". Too bad the first choice seems easier.....

xox

fall into place

Sometimes you just have to let go of all your inhibitions and let everything fall into place. Things happen for a reason and there's no need to regret anything because at one point in time, you wanted it. No stress is ever really needed. I say that because most of the time, things are not in your control - and they hardly ever will be, especially if they involved other people.

I am one of the most indecisive people I know. I usually cannot make a decision for the life of me. But the funny thing about that is that I know what i want - I just don't know how to get there. Sometimes, I don't see a point to trying because...well...it usually fails anyways. My previous blog about the pursuit of happiness - I completely believe that. The more you try, the more you change things that are not in your control. Things are always meant to be and they will work out when the time is right.

I am a strong believer in fate and destiny - karma as well, but we won't get into that. And that's my point of view.
xox

=)

the pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness.

think about it.
xox

standards

We all do things that we regret - some more than others. But the idea is that everything happens for a reason, even though sometimes the reason is silly. Like if its a boy (or girl), not buying that one article of clothing that you love, or even something thats a little detrimental to your own body like pushing yourself too hard at the gym or drugs. Everything is fun at the time - and hopefully you do it to get to a certain goal. But as much as we hate to think of society is a horrible place and everyone needs to fend for themselves, that is the case. There's only ever going to be one person that puts you first - you. Yes, your parents and relatives will take care of you if needed but sometimes you have to be selfish. You have to think of number one because you are the only person that really knows what you want.

So think about it. Is it worth all that trouble when some guy (or girl) comes around and you get butterflies every time you see them? Or is it really worth straining your body to get the "perfect" body when really its other people that you're trying to impress? Not to mention that everyone has a different point of view when it comes to what they think is "hot", "gorgeous", or "pretty". The clothes we wear - guys usually don't notice - so who are we really trying to impress? It's a competition within the sex. And I hate to say it but sometimes the ones that are nice and take home to mom material get picked last just because people aren't ready to settle down - which is fine. We are the one that are going to be picky in the end - because well, we have a thing called standards.

Keep your head up high and look out for number one. Trust your gut when it tells you that something isn't right. It's usually right.

xox

if only..

Reading one of my fave blogs, sea of shoes, i came across these beautiful, glamorous, wonderfully gorgeous shoes...umm just let me say that i wish i had them. Blogger Jane Alderidge from Sea of Shoes, got them as a gift from Chanel herself. Talk about having the life you always wanted. Honestly, I'm happy with my life and where its going, but when you see people like that - having a passion for something and excelling at it - I'm jealous. It's not the glitz and glamour that come with that lifestyle, but its the ability to find that passion and dream and go for it. I feel like i need that aspiration right now because I'm lacking in that spirit. A few more months and i'll be out of UTM - doing something (i hope) i love.

crunch time - exams =(

xox

sweet sweet victory

For those that follow the olympics, let me just say - GO CANADA GO!! My baby - none other than Luongo (not Crosby!). As much as i do love Crosby, something about him just isn't my type. So there's no need to fight ladies. Chances are that Sidney can get any girl he wants - make yourself special or keep dreaming. Lu on the other hand, made some pretty amazing saves yesterday - despite the minor cracks but we'll let that go for now. Former Canuck goalie is pretty much the love of my life. Anyone that can work under that much pressure and still perform is good in my books!


14 gold metals Canada. That's more than a good time in my hometown of Vancouver. So proud, there are no other words to describe it. Hope everyone had an amazing time in Vancouver for those that were there. Since there was a condom shortage and alcohol stores closed down early, let's hope there's not another baby boom in 9 months =).

xox

there is such a thing.

No matter what everyone thinks, there is such a thing called love. Define yourself.

so im an idiot

Who seriously sends a letter - or in my case, a transcript - without a postage stamp?? It's not even and FML moment because this was all due to my own stupidity. My plan to redeem myself - order transcripts for me to pick up on wednesday and then rush them to UBC. Hopefully all will go well =)

xox

consider this.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If a man doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay..

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better, never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship end because the man was not treating you as you deserve then HELL NO you can't 'be friends'. A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend, don't settle, If you feel like he is stringing you along, he probably is. Don't stay because you think ''it will get better''. You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things aren't better. The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU .

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any different? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you, if something bothers you.. speak up. Never let a man know everything, he will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior..Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are..even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man. Nothing more. Nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending..compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships..there is nothing cute about baggage..deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to complete you..a relationship consists of two whole individuals..look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. Dating is fun.. even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.Right. Make him miss you sometimes..when a man always knows where you are,and your always readily available to him he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.


''They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them''

passive aggressiveness

If you have a problem with me, please let me know. kthnx

replacement

No one likes the feeling of being replaced and yet, once in a while, that's just the way it has to be. That one best friend that you had doesn't call anymore, text anymore, doesn't even take the time out of their day to message you on facebook just to say hi. It's like you don't exist anymore. No matter how much you try, the effort is never returned. You want to know what sucks even more? The fact that it seems to be correlated with him getting a girlfriend.

How sad.

xox

Hit Me

It didn't really dawn on me until this week that this is the last semester I'm going to have at UTM. Chances are that I'm not going to keep in touch with half the people I know now and the memories that are supposed to be the best moments in my life are going to fade. The thing is - I don't know if I'm coming back to Toronto at all. Speaking to a friend today about all of this and it was said that I'm young and should be able to enjoy my life as it is now. And it's not to say that i won't - its just a matter of who I want to share that with.

I'm starting to realize that UTM might as well be a highschool. You have your cliques, your hang out spots, and your girls or guys that you ALWAYS turn to. Change isn't an easy thing for most people, and I am no exception. I want to move forward and succeed - but at the same time, I don't want it to be that the only thing i have to hold to in the end is my career. What's success without people to share it with. So I apologize for being distant (which I'm probably going to be) and if I start to seem quiet (which I'm starting to be). It's not because I don't care. It's because my walls are starting to go up again - being an only child makes you learn that things come and go. People walk in and out of our lives everyday - sometimes without knowing it.

There are some things that are for sure - like how things are going to sound when you knock on them, how something is going to feel when you touch it, how something is going to smell, what something looks like etc. Friendships, unfortunately, are not in that category. There is the odd one or two people that really make an impact on your life - and even then, somethings have to move on. Human behavior is very odd - nothing is ever for certain. Feelings change - people change. And at the end of the day, you have yourself to rely on and pick up whatever pieces that have fallen. It's up to those "friends" to chose whether they want to help you or not.

It's too bad that these so called emotions decide to hit me when I'm least expecting them to. Walls are back up and I'm ready to protect myself from the world. Take your best shot.

xox

happy overrated love day

Don't get me wrong, I think that valentines day is a great way to celebrate with the one you love for those couples that don't usually have the time for each other. BUT - and there is a but - i don't quite understand the whole hype for young couples. I mean, you're with each other all the time cause you either go to school together or somehow, you just end up spending time together...ALL the time! So what's so special about this love day that most of us single ladies fret over? nothing at all. It's an over rated, materialistic excuse for a holiday. When was the last time you had an AMAZING valentines day with someone you love without a gift? how about this..when was the last time you had an amazing DAY with the one that you love?

The point Im getting at isn't me trying to be bitter, even though it might seem that way. It's the fact that no one should NEED a designated day to show a person how much they are loved by you - it should be every day, or at least every once in a while. Balloons deflate eventually, chocolate goes stale, gifts break or get dirty and flowers end up dying anyways. If you're going to celebrate this day with the one you love, do something thats non-materialistic - something that they will remember and look back on this day and recall that it was a wonderful day because of what you did, not because what you bought.

For those hopeless romantics out there that are single, spend it with the ones you love - friends, family, or even your pet. No one said that the day of love was only meant for couples.

xox

the nights you wish you could forget

Sometimes getting all glammed up for a night out to strut your stuff just ends in disaster. We've all been there, we've all done that and it's perfectly understandable to have a breakdown every now and then. Most of the time, things don't work out your way because you want them to so badly that you over analyze the little things that make us happy. The things that will never fail - a smile, a laugh and good friends to laugh with you (or at you) when your smile goes south. Life isn't about pleasing people - it's about bettering yourself as a person. Being what you want to be. Doing what you want to do. And sooner or later, things get better. When you think your life is at an all time low, there is always a situation that is worse. We tend to take advantage of the fact that we have all 4 limbs, look normal, have the ability to walk, talk and go about our daily lives without a care in the world. Play with the cards you're dealt and you'd be surprised in what the outcome is. Sometimes it's not all about the night itself, but the morning after when you realize that the people that matter are willing to listen - that you have a safety net. Love you ladies and happy belated birthday DJ.



xox

peace out UTM

My last semester as an undergraduate student at UTM didn't exactly kick in til I found these last night...




talk about a reality check.
4 years of heart aches, heart breaks, sleepless night, nights that i'll never forget, remember or want to remember for that matter, caffeine injected blood, a million and one 'you have to be there' moments, an empty bank account and friends that will last a lifetime and don't mind that you're a little insane at times. All for 4 letters after my name - HBSc - and a piece of paper.

It was at this moment that I realized why i do the things I do for friends, family, and myself. It was also this very moment that I felt terrified. Terrified because I have no clue what's to come in the future. I have no clue what I'm doing next year - but I've come to the conclusion that things have a way of working themselves out. It's not the end of the world and even if it was, the world will keep on spinning with or without you in it.

So thank you so much for all the love, support, and good times. As much as I don't want to admit it, it's been an amazing time.

xox

shoes shoes shoes

I thought I would take this time to show a little love to shoes. Not only are they pretty to look at, but they keep our feet lifted off the ground, warm (most of the time) and best of all, if youre wearing heels, they make your butt look amazing - if you have one that is. Your legs look better, your confidence is boosted, everything is in tip top shape. You fell like youre on top of the world and its AMAZING.

On top of that, shout out to friends with the same shoe size! Your shoe closet just gets THAT much bigger when you have friends with the same shoe size and the same taste in shoes as you. Its really quite an exhilarating experience that ALL girls need to experience. So thank you Chanel, Prada, Jimmy Choo, and many other FABULOUS shoe designers that have made beauty possible.

until next time....
xox

way back when..

Listening to 'old time' music like backstreet boys and n'sync makes me think back to how simple things were back when we were all in primary school. When did things get so complicated? When did it start mattering what others thought about you? I remember when I was young, having fun and having friends were the most important thing. I'd come home and have a snack then go to my friends house to do "homework".

Way back then, boys had cooties and your best friend could be someone you met 2 minutes ago. There was no competition on who was prettier or smarter or who was more date-able. Sex wasn't an issue and a water fight would break out because it was fun, not because a guy wanted to see through your shirt.

Way back then, a game of tag was the only chase we worried about. The only makeup that we put on was our mother's because we were nosey. Dressing up consisted of going through your parents closets - not going out and looking like a 'slut'. The only touching or dancing we did was at arms length apart - or the length of a ruler, depending on what school you went to.

A part of me wants to go back to those times - things were simple and straight forward. We were smart about what we did and didn't over complicate every situation we got ourselves into. Too bad we're growing up without really knowing it. If only...

xox

sleepless in seattle?

Well I'm not in seattle thats for sure, though i do love the city. I've come to a new realization that some of you might already know. I'm taking myself off the market - completely! - starting today. I believe that little problems in life (mostly caused by myself of men) are starting to build up, so my new philosophy ensues. It's a new day so I can start off fresh and maybe get some sleep finally. Lately, I've gotten into bed and just laid there for god knows how long and the next thing I know, I'm tossing and turning in my bed and it's pitch black. When the sun finally starts to rise, that's when my eyes close and i start to feel like I'm getting some rest. Well apparently when the sun is up - my alarm goes off - who would have thought.

I've tried to physically exhaust my body so I can actually sleep but that doesn't work. I've tried not thinking and just let my mind go - and that unfortunately leads to not so good places sometimes. I've even tried to type it all out, and that doesn't work either. I'm out of options. Next step - my social life will take a toll this weekend. I'm not going out - which means that i can go to bed early (like that's going to happen) and sleep in til the wee hours of the day. Work needs to get done and gym needs to...well...i need to go to the gym lol. So I have no clue how thats going to work out, but I'll be sure to update you.

Speaking of updates, I shall start a semi-journal (i guess thats what you would call it) about myself being off the market. This will act as an AA meeting for alcoholics. How many days "sober"...Oh, for those of you that are wondering why I'm doing this - its kind of a complicated story but the jist of the matter is that I don't know if I'm going to be back in Toronto next year. To me, there's no point in starting something when I can't be sure of anything on my own. How is that fair right? For once, I can truly say that I don't have a clue what I want in terms of my 'love life' - or lack thereof. I just want to graduate and going on what is said to be my life.

so far - this is day 2 - wish me luck
xox

predicaments

The troubles that us girls go through, the thoughts that run around on repeat mode in our heads - none other than predicaments. Predicaments that we PUT ourselves in because we know no better. To be quite honest, it seems to be that almost every girl now a days has some sort of drama in their life, all because of a species we like to call men. I stick by the fact that men are the complicated ones - they never just straight up tell you want they want but they like to play around with your mind and make you feel important, when you're really nothing to them. If there's anything that I've learned throughout the years is that everyone is replaceable. It may not be for the better or worst, but if one person was to unfortunately go missing or something along those lines, the world would go on. As much as i hate to say it, no one is really that special - and one should never think that they are.

Us girls have this vision in our minds that we should be treated like princesses and given anything that we want. The point is that if you don't ask for it or act like you deserve it, you aren't going to get it. To be frank, if you act like a slut, people - not only men - will treat you like a slut. Stick by this ladies, if a man wants you, he'll find a way to make it happen. Stop stressing so much about something that is not meant to happen. If it's meant to be, there will be a way - relax.

I would like to finish this little post with one of my favorite quotes that I remind myself every now and then:

"Fairy tales don't show children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed"

xox

just think...graduation

The joys of knowing your prof. I figured this one out just about 15 minutes ago when i got some bad news followed by good news.

bad new: I failed a test with a mark so bad that i dont think i remember how to read that number.
good news: i went to talk to my prof about it to see if it could be weighed less. I now have an appointment on thursday with him at 12 to discuss the issue and see what can be done about it. He told me, and I quote "Youre an excellent student and I know that. Just dont drop my class and Im sure we can work something out. You alway attend lectures and youve done well in my class before. We'll discuss it and it will all be resolved."

my only concern now, how this will affect my graduation. I was ready to drop it, but think about it - its been roughly 4 weeks of class already. If anything thats 8 lectures and if theres labs in the class...4 labs. That's A LOT to catch up on. If there's nothing that can be done...well im sure theres something that can be done.

motivation: GRADUATION
emotion at the moment: heart attack covered with stress, disappointment and a little dash of depression.

things that will make me feel better: getting this thing resolved so i can stop stressing about this mark.

xox

true colors

Its funny when you get into certain moods and everyones true colors start to show. The people that you thought were your friends - really end up to be someone that you didn't they were. People's true colors tend to come out under pressure.

Sometimes, the colors are bright. Those kinds of people are there for you and try to cool you down when you're red hot. They are there to lend an ear for you to vent and are able to give constructive criticism. You can constantly vent and rant on about something that doesn't effect them at all but they are just there to listen and soak it all in because they know in the end, it'll make you feel better. They know you well enough that even though they reap no benefits, they have the ability to just listen because you mean something to them - and somehow how you feel, affects them.

Then there are the dull colors - the ones that care about themselves and only themselves. Pretending to listen while thinking about their own thing. Trying to turn it around so somehow you talk about them and what they're going through. Its funny when it has nothing to do with them, they don't care - even though they claim to care about you, and how you feel matters to them. When push comes to shove, you really don't matter to them and they were only your friend to take advantage of the benefits that you had for them.

Under pressure, everyone cracks. It just depends on which way you're going to shine - bright or dull?
xox

restless sleep

Its been a while since ive posted and i apologize, things are just hectic lately. School is taking off - after the first week, people's birthdays are coming up, and of course drama drama drama. Let's just say that im not exactly content lately. And its nothing personal at all, i just don't feel like being at school. i want to stay at home and curl up in a ball and let my body recover. It's not even the fact that i've been hurt or anything. Im just exhausted - in all aspects. It's funny when push comes to shove and you figure out who really is there for you. It's upsetting that someone can go MIA for weeks and all of a sudden be like "hey, so ive been feeling not so good lately and i know i havent been a good friend. i wanted to say sorry." and think that all is okay. Knowing me, it is okay, cause i'll just end up letting it go.

I let go. I have no expectations for people anymore. If you dont already know, i took myself off the market - and its actually going to stay that way. Im no longer interested in having a bf or a companion right now - of course its not to say that if 'mr. right' comes along, im not going to give it a shot. my new rule is no more 'mr. right now'. Im no longer going to let people treat me like shit and say that they are my best friends and that they care about me.

All i ask is 3 things. Respect, Consistency, and Straight forwardness.

Im going to crawl back into my little hole right now and hibernate. I'll let you know when the sun comes out again.

xox

security and reflection

I'm at the Vancouver airport right now waiting for my flight. I've been here for roughly 2 hours now waiting just because some stupid person decided to try to blow up a plane around christmas time. Too bad that the vancouver airport hasn't up-ed their security for domestic flights within canada. Who's to say that someone traveling within Canada isn't going to try to attack a flight thats going within Canada. It took me literally 10 minutes to pass check in AND security. I really don't like the idea that security takes like 2 minutes. Mind you, the new rule about no carry on luggage makes a difference I guess - but still. That's besides the point. I would like to know that my safety is being taken into consideration. I guess being 3 hours early for my flight isn't as bad as it seems. Better safe than sorry, right?

I figured that i might as well take this time to reflect on 2009 - since it is a new year and all. Knowing my resolutions, I would like to thank a few people

'Vanilla' - I would like to thank you for constantly insisting that I get a back bone and stick up for myself. Without your constant "nagging" - so to speak - i wouldn't be able to be as blunt as I am now. As much as i would like to think that most of it was my own doing, you have no idea what kind of an influence you have on me. In other words - "i pick you" lol

'Comma' - There are no better words to describe our friendship than 'i love you'. Through all the drama - boys, gossip and all - you were there sticking up for me, being there for me. I really would like to thank you cause without you, there's a slight chance that i would have never been a princess on my birthday. Beach parties, girl's night out, sex and the city nights and I can't forget the perogies. There is nothing in this world that i would change when it comes to us. Down to earth, level headed and best of all, NOT a psycho bitch. Can't imagine life without you. xox ps. wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy...

'Jae' - Even though we've known each other for like 6 months, i trust you more than most. Whistler nye 2010 - you beat most people when it comes to getting me drunk. Congrats - but that will never happen again, not to that extent anyways. Next time, we'll whip out the cranium or pictionary. I swear that I'm an artist when I'm drunk LMAO. Beer pong, flip cup...you name it. Apparently I'm a rebel according to some... So thanks for being my shoulder to cry on, my to do person when it comes to venting and your amazing ability to understand my fucked up situations.

'LoverBoy' - The most understanding, straight forward guy I've ever met. Even with a 'psycho' girlfriend, you are my new best friend. There's no doubt about it. I expect you to come and visit your favorite place in the world when you have time cause you and I both know that you LOVE the west coast - fresh powder, boarding, beaches and water. You were meant to be here. We were friends before you even knew me LOL. And who could forget my wonderful driving skills - especially in the fog. Many memories to come

So that's that. I hope that everyone's 2009 was fantabulous and 2010 is better. We all know that most of us deserve it.

Happy New Decade Lovies
xox

4....3....2....1

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!

It's January 2 2010. New years usually comes with new years resolutions. These are mine for the year:

1) love the people that matter and forget about the ones that dont. This is my way to avoid drama

2) GYM GYM GYM

3) no swearing - and by that i mean limited cause no is kinda out there

4) eat healthy

and I think thats that. Hope I can keep up!!

xox